


Sleeping Beauty

by Sugarwara_san



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Coma, M/M, Please Don't Hate Me, Self-Blame, Self-Hatred, Suga is depressed, Suicide, canon-divergence, its sad, really sad, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-22
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-08-23 22:09:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8344624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sugarwara_san/pseuds/Sugarwara_san
Summary: Boxes inside boxes, bodies inside boxes, bodies in the earth. Rotting and decaying, worms and maggots eating flesh, flesh dropping off bones, bones cracking and splitting open. But none of it really matters. Everything’s mailing address will eventually be the ground anyway.





	1. She Shall Prick her Finger

_Thud_

 

At first its complete silence. Then it all starts with there's a flurry of sounds and running around.

"He's not responding." "Is he breathing?" "Call an ambulance!"

A silver haired teen snaps out of his daze and takes one shaking step forward, then another, until he's standing over the captain's motionless body. With an eerily calm voice, "Hey, Daichi. You need to get up, now isn't the time for a nap." 

It stops, all the noise dissipates and the tables are turned in an instant. Everyone is facing away from Daichi to look instead, with the same amount of concern, at Sugawara. "Suga, Daichi isn't-" Hinata starts, but is cut off by the 3rd year putting his hand on Shouyou's shoulder.

"He's perfectly alright, Hinata. Aren't you, Daichi?" There is a gentle smile on his face, and yet tears are silently slipping down it at the same time. There's not an audible snap, but everyone can tell that this is it. He broke. "Daichi, you need to get up, you'll catch a cold on the floor," He says with more force now. "Get Up!" Sugawara cries, falling to his knees.

The whole court is in a stunned silence as both volleyball teams watch the setter unravel in front of them. 

"You Can't Leave Me!" Yelling, he grabs the other 3rd year's hands and holds them to his chest. Now the whole stadium goes quiet, only the reverberating echo of his sobbing plea remain. But the silence is short lived, sirens are heard and the stadium doors burst open. 

The EMTs rush into the room and survey the scene, "Get that kid away from him, we need to assess his injuries." Noya tries to drag Suga off Daichi, but without luck, his small frame can't even make the setter budge. "Let's go, Suga," the stone faced Kageyama croaks, but it leads to no success. Asahi has to step in and pick up Suga, physically carrying him to the sideline. Sugawara snarls and his eyes turn murderous,but still don't leave the fallen crow's form. He kicks and scratches, screeching at the top of his lungs, "NO, Let Me Go! Daichi Needs Me! I Love Him!" Tears start flooding his cheeks once again. The Ace almost lets him go, his heart aching because he understands what love feels like, but he just trudges on, glancing at the unknowing Noya.

Asahi, sets Sugawara down when they reach the edge of the court, and Tanaka immobilizes him with a crushing hug. "It's all my fault Suga, I'm so sorry." Tanaka winces, as Sugawara beats his fists against Ryu's arms and back trying to break free. _"I deserve him hating me, it's all my fault."_ is all the usually overenthusiastic wing spiker can think.

The rest of the team filters over, dazed, as Takeda-sensei recounts what happened to the paramedics. Ukai, steps up and growls out, "Tanaka, it's not your fault! It's no one's!" he sends an unwavering glare through the team, "Got that?!" murmurs of affirmation go around, but Tanaka remains quiet. 

The EMTs start to move Sawamura, blocking him from Suga's sight, all he can do is panic because he lost the only thing keeping him balanced. "DAICHI" He wails as the rush his sanity out on a stretcher. Suga finally stops fighting and just lets the sobbing take over, shaking uncontrollably. Tanaka clutches him closer, but never cried himself,  _"I don't have the right to cry, I caused it."_

Takeda scurries to the group, as the sirens start up outside. The broken setter can't stand it, he brings his hands to his ears trying to muffle the sounds, digging his fingernails into the skin of his skull, blood pricking from the crescent shaped cuts behind his ears. Takeda's words don't even get through, Suga, doesn't think he can handle the explanation right now.

He doesn't know how much time has passed, but he does know that everyone but the Karasuno has left the arena. Ukai, leans over and mutters "Can you take Suga home?" a slight pause "...and make sure he's safe," to Ryu. He nods, Suga lets Tanaka pull him off the ground, and drag him out to his sister's car. Saeko follows them out, and they manage to buckle Suga's motionless body into the back seat. 

After an uncharacteristically safe car ride, Ryu supported Suga as he walked the devastated 3rd year up to his door and knocked.

Suga was still in his own world and only vaguely noticed that he was changing locations, all he knew was that he was glad to be in his bed. Forcing his body to roll over into a face down position, and slung his pillow over his head. Blocking out all light, until he fell into the darkness.


	2. Once Upon a Dream

_Light filters in, you can see the dust motes flitting about. The room smells of old books and clean laundry. Two 3 rd years who got side tracked when studying for an exam on the following day, are lazing across the bed chatting about anything that came to mind. _

_The black haired captain lifted his head off of the setter’s abdomen, where it had been resting, causing the reclined setter to stretch and assume that they were returning to studying. Then the silver headed boy sat up, absentmindedly playing with the raven haired boy’s dark locks. He slid into a standing position, and does one final stretch, you could hear multiple joints popping. With his back towards the wing spiker he started to meander over to his desk, and began sifting through some papers._

_“Koushi…” Daichi trails off._

_Still facing the desk, the setter replies with a quiet “Hm?”_

_“…I just wanted to tell you that I…” the rest is a muffled jumble of sounds. Confused, Suga turns to see, Daichi with his face in a pillow. He is only able to see his ears, but noticed they are tinged red._

_“What’s wrong, Dai?” He gently pushes the laying form, “Daichhiiiiiii?” He plops himself on top of the other’s body, but still there’s no response. Suga slowly realizes his love isn’t breathing. In a panic he flips his boyfriend over and puts an ear to his chest, his heart isn’t beating either. He struggles to remember the right number of compressions he's supposed to do, and fumbles to push down on Daichi’s chest._

_His hands don’t find a solid surface, instead they are plunged into mushy sludge. The smell of rotting flesh stuffs the room, replacing the once pleasant smell, he retches, feeling like he can’t breathe. He claws at his throat, spreading the decaying flesh, onto his neck. Recoiling from his own actions, he stares, horrified at his hands, seeing between his goop cover fingers, Daichi’s rotting skeleton. Flinching away from the body, he falls off the bed, flailing as he should have hit the floor. Instead he keeps going, tumbling into a mass of shadows._

 

He floats in the comfort of the blackness. He finally fades out of it, but keeps his eyes closed, concentrating in his mind, telling himself that Daichi’s not actually dead, he’s fine… He opens his eyes and relaxes them, it’s alright. He realizes that it’s still the middle of the night, around midnight, and he should probably go back to sleep, until he remembers yesterday.

Suga, shoots out of bed, _Daichi is NOT fine… he’s in the hospital._

He starts to hyperventilate, and then he smells it, the clean laundry and old book smell, only to have it transform into a putrid scent. _No, Not again._ He throws open his window, wind rushes in, but it’s not enough, it’s still there, that smell. He pulls the drawer full of scented candles out of the cabinet, and turns it over onto the floor, with a shaky hand he lights every one of them, going through two books of matches because this unsteady hands kept breaking them.

The odor is finally replaced with an ugly, overwhelming stench. But anything, _anything,_ is better than the smell of his rotting love.

Eventually all the candles have burned out, and the sun is starting to peak through his open window, but he doesn’t look up from the spot he’s been staring at for the past six hours. Instead he just stays there, surrounded by a shrine of dead candles. He stays like that until his phone goes off, alerting him that Chikara was calling him. Uncomprehending what was going on he just leaves it alone. Chika calls again, this time, he picked up, and all he spits out is, “Which hospital?”

“Suga, calm-“

“I Asked ‘Which Hospital?’” poison seeping into his voice. The rest of the conversation was brief, as Suga hung up as soon as he got what he wanted.

Chikara texted Asahi, alerting him of what was about to happen. Asahi, Noya, and Tanaka were all at the hospital, and were now waiting for an uncontrollable Sugawara to come through the doors.

 

Suga didn’t even tell his mom that he was leaving, or that he was taking her car. It was Sunday she didn’t have work and is still asleep. Technically, he was allowed to drive, but never did, because he didn’t need to, and the only car they had was his mom’s, it was only them after all, so they didn’t really need to go many places. And at this point Suga doesn’t care if he’s not allowed, all he cares about is _Daichi._

Suga probably broke more than a few speed laws, but he made it in record time to the hospital. Running into the lobby, he sees this teammates, and flashes over to them. To no one in particular he asks “Do you know where he is?”

The three look at each other, Asahi, speaks up, “…He’s in the ICU, but you ca-”

Suga starts to turn, but Noya pulls him back, “Wait, no one is allowed to see him, only his family.”

There is a cruel sort of humor in his eyes, one you would never expect to see form the motherly vice-captain, and with a similarly harsh smile, “Oh, you think they can stop me.” He chuckles and tramps off. _NOTHING will stop me from seeing him._

Suga strides into the ICU like he owns the place, and spots Daichi right away. “Dai!” He sprints over to the bed, but is cut off midway, by a nurse grabbing him, “You can’t be in here!”

He tries to break he grip of the nurse, but she has already called the guards. They intercept him just as he breaks away from the orderly. They drag him out and deliver him to the waiting Asahi, Tanaka, and Noya, in the lobby. Asahi takes a hold of him, but it doesn’t matter, Suga is done, he only wanted to see Daichi, but it’s useless. They let him go and he stands there, empty.

Daichi’s mother came rushing out once she heard what was going on, “Sugawara!” She clasps her arms around Suga’s hollow body. “I’m sorry, they only allowed us in, and not even at first. I can try and talk to the nurses, but I don’t know what they will say. Daichi’s father is in there with him now.” He lets her ramble on not really listening, until she says, “The doctor said he’s in a coma, and they don’t know when he will wake up. I know you were a good friend to him, I thought you deserved to know. I’m sorry”

Something inside him snaps, “Why are you sorry? We are the ones who should be sorry, we didn’t take care of him well enough. I’m so, so, sorry.” He starts weeping into her sweater.

 

 

_I’m So Sorry, Dai._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was bored today so i decided to update earlier than i had planned. Chapters probably won't be this quick, usually.


	3. A Sleep like Death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I would be nice, so this chapter has a happy end.

_Two to four weeks. He’ll be fine, it’s only one month. Unless he’s not._

After a tear-filled exchange, Suga sat their trying to process the information that Sawamura-san just told him.

_One month._

_“It was caused by swelling from the head-on impact.”_

_If he doesn’t wake up in that time…_

_“They have to do surgery to help remove the pressure on his brain.”_

_…He might never,_

_“There might be permanent damage to his brain stem.”_

_Or he will have severe amnesia,_

_“They are still running tests”_

_Maybe lifelong disabilities._

_“But he’s shown no reaction to anything they’ve done”_

_He Might Not Remember Me._

_“I can’t stand to look, all those tubes sticking out of him”_

She had walked back to the ICU, promising to talk to the nurses about the team coming to see him.

 

After sitting with Daichi for a few minutes a nurse walked over to make sure nothing was malfunctioning. “Excuse me,” she says in a hushed voice, “Some of my son’s friends are here to see him, I know that he isn’t allowed visitors, but if I give permission, can at least one of them see him?”

The nurse gave her a sad look and she began, “I’m sorry, we really aren’t allowed, it might disturb the other patients.”

Nodding, the mother understood, “Yes, I’ll go tell them.” Muttering to herself, “This will kill Sugawara.”

There’s a small blip on the heart monitor, only diverging from the regular for a millisecond. The nurse who was checking his IV, snapped her head up, “Who’s Sugawara?”

“He’s Daichi’s friend…”

“Is one of the ones who's here?”

“Yes, it is-“ she's cut off.

“Please bring him in, it might help your son. I’m going to get approval from the head nurse, but please go and get him.” She hurried to the nurse’s station, motioning for Sawamura to go to.

 

Sawamura-san came running down the hall to the lobby, nearly running into Chikara, whom was coming out of the restroom.

Finding the now expanded group in the lobby, she pulled Suga out of his chair and down the hall, not even explaining what was happening.

The team shared with a look of shock, most of them not being there for what happen merely fifteen minutes ago. So, Asahi stepped up and explained to them what had happened earlier. The newcomers stared at Asahi, not knowing what to say. The only sound was the sudden bang of Tanaka hitting his fists against the wall he was leaning on. They could hear muffled cussing from his mouth.

_It’s all my fault, if it weren’t for me diving for the fucking ball. It was just a game I shouldn’t have been so absorbed, I should have been more focused on my surroundings, making sure my team was all okay. If I can’t even look out for my friends, what can I do?_

Before the team could see what he was talking about, he pipes up and smiles, creepily chipper, “Hey, guys, I’m sorry but I’ve gotta go. I’ll see you around later.” Then he walks off without leaving anytime for them to respond.

“Is he going to be okay?” Tadashi asks, but just like usual the only one who really paid him any attention is Tsukki.

After contemplating for a minute, “He should be fine, he probably can’t stand to be cooped up in here much longer.”

 

Sawamura brought Suga to the Entrance of the ICU, still without any explanation. After a short period of time, the same nurse as earlier walks up to escort them in, but before she does, she warns Suga, “You need to be quite in here, there a many patients with head injuries, and loud noises can cause them stress, the same goes for the lights, that’s why they’re dim.” She starts to walk them in, but turns back, “and don’t think that we don’t remember what you did last time you came in here.” She points out an older woman, with a scowl permanently glue to her face. “That woman has it out for you, it took me ten minutes to get you in here, and if you do something wrong it’s my head on the chopping block. So don’t mess it up.”

As they walked in, Sawamura whispered, “All I did was say your name and his heart monitor jumped.” The nurse added, “Honestly, we just want you to talk to him, it might improve his overall health. But, don’t expect him to say words or even move, but our hope is that he might show some brain activity”

The group got to the bed, and Sawamura offered the only chair to Suga, saying that she would rather stand and stretch her legs, but obviously was just too worried and anxious to sit. Slowly taking a seat, Suga, started to talk, but came up short.

_What am I supposed to say?_

The nurse took the hit and recommended, “Just say hi, say that it’s you. Talk to him like you would at school, its like a regular conversation, okay?"

Nodding, he gently spoke, “Hey, Daichi.” There was nothing, but he kept going. “It’s Suga, they finally let me see you. The whole team is here, ya know?”

_Nothing._

“Just keep talking” the nurse pleaded.

Sounding discouraged “We all want you to get better.” Tears pricking in his eyes, “please get better for us,” _For me,_ “Dai. No, I take that back, there is no 'please', because this isn't an option. You will get better." His voice get steadily stronger, "You know how stubborn I can be, once I make up it's decided." His tone dropped again, "If I don't get what I want then no one will be happy, it is the captain's job to make sure everyone is happy. Didn't you know that?"  _I know you know that._

There's an irregular beeping pattern coming from one of the monitors. His heart rate accelerated in just the slightest, so small that in a normal case it would pass unnoticed.

_He recognizes me!_

Suga, keeps talking about everything and anything under the sun. The smiles that take up all of their faces, Daichi’s parents, the nurses, but mainly Suga’s. His smile is the brightest thing to ever be seen. He kept talking until visiting hours were over and they made him leave, and it wasn’t until he back into the lobby that his grin was replaced with something else.


	4. A Forest of Thorns Shall be his Tomb

Seako wasn’t home yet, she usually wasn’t this early in the day. If she was around it would only make this harder, if he had seen his only living family’s face, he probably couldn’t go through with it. But she was at work, not able to stop him.

Pulling out various drawers, containing the remnants of their parent’s belongings, he found what he was looking for. It was smaller, only a bit longer than his hand. He grabbed the box next to it, and closed himself in his room.

“It’s my fault that he’s hurt, all I ever do is fuck up…” he whispered.

 

“RYUU! Guess what I brought home?! It’s your favorite dinner!” She called into the house as she closed the door, “I thought you needed something to make you feel better; I heard about your friend” She set the bags down in the small kitchen, waiting for his response “Listen I know you’re very upset, but that doesn’t mean you should ignore me. He is doing better you know. Ukai called me with the news, he’s responding to Suga,” She walked to his door, leaning on it, “This is good, most patients don't responed this quick.” Seako knocked lightly, knowing he was in distress. “Please open the door, we can talk.”  No response, She tried the handle slowly; it clicked, “I’m coming in okay?” frowning she let the door swing open.

A silent scream tore from her mouth as she fell to the floor.

  

* * *

 

 

As Suga was taking a seat he glanced at the faces of his friends, his smile slipping away. All of the team was still in the hospital, none had gone home to rest or get food, they had talked about taking turns being there, so that someone was with Suga at all times, that was the plan at least.  But, instead they all were there, sitting like statues, staring at nothing, and yet it seemed like their eyes saw everything. None of them had known that Suga wasn’t the only one they had to keep an eye on.

Suga tried to ignore their all-seeing gazes, but it was like they had received the secret to life. Or was it death? Suga had finally clawed his way out of the whole that he was stuck in, and he was about to fall in again.

“Hey, guys, what’s up?” He tried to bring that shit-eating grin back, but it wasn’t as bright as before, it seemed dingy. Like some half closed the blinds on a clear summer day. “It’s a coma, he’s showing improvement; it isn’t like he’s died.” The stares from his wide-eyed comrades, made his smile drop and fall to the floor.

“…Suga…” **The blinds snapped shut**. “Tanaka…. Is g-gone.” **The curtains were tightly draw closed**.

With a cracked smile, “What do you mean? Yeah of course he’s gone, he just went home to check in with his sister.” His eye twitches, “She gets worried you know, even since their parents passed.” The broken smile pulled tight over his face. **The light went out.**

It’s silent for a second, “…H-he-“ Kei, interrupted the stuttering Hinata, “He put a bullet through his skull… that’s all there is to it.” **The lightbulb shattered** , falling down the well broke it up into pieces too small to put back together, and all his team member and all his family and friends couldn’t put him back together again.

No one even looks up, it’s not possible for them to be any more shocked, even with Kei’s words still ricocheting around the room. The audible bang resonated as it pierced each of the group’s hearts and minds.

Suga stood up, stepping on the forgotten smile that had tumbled on the floor earlier. **The pieces were collected** in the dark, his hands cut from the glass. Not one word spoken, and he walk out, smile in-tow. He drug it across the tile, chipping the teeth on the cold floor, it fell off when he scraped his heel across the threshold. Leaving a bloody grimace pasted to the floor

He broke off into a sluggish jog, but quickly it turned to a full sprint. As he ran, he clenched his fists, jagged glass burrowing into his skin. Blood ran down his hands, drip, drip, dripping onto the treadmill-like ground. The scenery wasn’t changing, it just blended into the dark of his mind. He wasn’t getting anywhere; so he kept running as a trail of gore followed closed behind.

Eventually he fell, grasping the broken shards of his sanity in his bloodied fingers; having no sense of where he was. The treadmill ground had long since broken, it went unnoticed and Suga scurried off the track into the unknown. The Sun had be consumed by the horizon hours ago, and there were no street lights where he was. It was a new day for someone; somewhere, but for Suga it was still a long night that beat down on him. The only light coming from the distant moon overhead, peaking through a ring of treetops directly above him.

There was a sharp bite of gravel digging into his knees through his thin pants. There was no reason to get up, he didn’t feel the need. Slouching backwards into a sitting position, he felt his back hit a cold stone wall, worn smooth over time. Reaching out in front of him he found that the wall continued out into a small circular formation, a wall that he was stuck inside. The even walls reached as tall as trees into the sky, and an abrupt chill ran into the structure.

Blood ran from his battered hands, pooling around him, making the gravel ground slushy. The red gushed from the slashes, it was already around his ankles, and speeding its way even higher. The wall was sealed, none of the liquid could escape, so instead it worked its way up to his neck, but he wouldn’t move to stand. He just let the dark liquid swallow him whole.


	5. This Curse will Last Till the End of Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a shorter chapter this week.

His mother had first received a call from Ennoshita about fifteen minutes after Suga left the hospital, telling her to expect Suga home soon. But, if he didn’t show up, to call the police.

Twenty minutes passed, then thirty, and when it was edging forty, Ennoshita got a call, at first he was relieved, Suga had gotten home safe. But he was wrong, Suga never came home.

 

He was found two days later…

Laying in the middle of a 500 acre woods, nearly twenty miles from the hospital. He had no real external injuries, but they couldn’t tell the extent to his mental shell-shock yet.

 

They were talking about him, but he didn’t seem to be phased by it. They were throwing around words like: _Severe dehydration, minor cuts and abrasions, psychological shock;_ but he still had no reaction.

With a flashing of lights and the buzz of noise, he was shipped off to the hospital. Unlike his friend who will be mailed in a wooden crate.

  

 

When she had woken up the morning after the incident, she saw that her car was gone. It was around nine in the morning, and honestly she wasn’t surprised that Suga was gone. After what Tanaka had told her the night before, she fully expected him to be gone.

Picking up her phone she called her son, she waited and eventually it just went to voicemail. She decided to make the best of the situation by doing some light cleaning, starting is her son's room.

She pushed Suga's door open, and noticed the massacre of candles scattered about the floor, and the curtains flying in along with the warm spring breeze. She walked across the room to tie back the curtains, and then turned back to the dead-looking shrine.

She picked up the small trash bin and collected the carcasses one or two at a time, gently tossing them into their burial shroud. When she finally stumbled upon the mountain of ruined matches she finally lost her composure, she fell to the ground; crying.  She knew her son loved Sawamura, but she had no idea how deeply he was lost; not until those blood stained splintered matches.

She keeps thinking about her son trying to strike them, trying to find some light in his dark perspective. She knew that Koushi had never had a very optimistic outlook on life, and ever since he had seen Sawamura it was like the sun was directly in front of him, and she knew his light had gone out.

She also knew that Daichi was as thick as a brick wall, and that her son was as skittish as they come. Even with her matchmaking attempts all she had ever done was embarrass Koushi, but he was happy.

_Why? Why can’t our family just be happy?_

_First his father and now this? Will he be okay again?_

A buzzing noise slowly drew her out of her crying trance. He didn’t even have his phone with him; it was sitting right in front of her eyes, a green light flashing at the top.

 

* * *

 

 

Boxes inside boxes, bodies inside boxes, bodies in the earth. Rotting and decaying, worms and maggots eating flesh, flesh dropping off bones, bones cracking and splitting open. But none of it really matters. Everything’s mailing address will eventually be the ground anyway.

Decomposition slows when light leaves; nothing thrives without sunlight. Nothing except bacteria, small parasitic protozoans; worming their way into our lives, and eating away at our souls until all we can do is rely on others. When those people are taken away, we have nothing left.

 

We return to what we were born as. Alone.


	6. I had Wings Once

_So this is what it feels like, I’ve always wanted to know._ He laid there stiff as a board, he couldn’t even wiggle his toes. _I’m obviously not the only one to wonder, but is this what it feels like for everyone. Or is it different for each person, like, is it specialized. I guess I won’t find out will I?_

A warm sensation enveloped his whole body, not unpleasantly. Forgetting that he couldn’t move, he tried to pry his eyes open to see where the heat was coming from. _I suppose I already know what it is._  The soft cushions surrounding him began to stick to him, the temperature growing mildly uncomfortable.

_This is it._ Even with his eyes closed he could see it. _I probably should go, but maybe I’ll stay just a little longer. I should at least feel some of the pain._ He could here crackling all around him, the fire singeing at his fingers.

The light he was seeing, started to fade slightly. _Ahh, if I don’t go now then I won’t be able to._ Still it was fading, a little faster now. _It’s probably for the best, they don’t want someone like me in a place like that._

The heat was unbearable now, his skin was blistering and turning black in other places, as black as the void that followed the light. _It almost feels nice, like I’m doing the right thing. Man I wish I could smile, I guess it won’t matter for much longer though._ The hissing of his body was at a constant drone now, mixing in with small snapping noises. _Ha, it’s almost like music._

His flesh was nearly gone at this point, leaving mainly bones. _Bye guys, it’s for the best. You wouldn’t want me around to ruin your good time, wherever you will end up._

And with that Tanaka’s consciousness dissipated with his body, not ever going to the afterlife, or reincarnation, or whatever lies after this life. He was simply gone, never to bother another soul again.

At least he got his wish.

 

 

The day after Suga arrived he faded in and out of consciousness, not knowing what was real. But he would have sworn that he really heard Tanaka talking.

_So this is what it feels like, I’ve always wanted to know._

“Tanaka? This is what, what feels like?” He struggled to get the work out.

There was a response but it did not answer his question. _I’m obviously not the only one to wonder, but is this what it feels like for everyone. Or is it different for each person, like, is it specialized. I guess I won’t find out will I?_

“What are you talking about? You know as well as anyone that everyone is different. But what does this have to do with anything?”

Once again it’s a baffling response. _I suppose I already know what it is._

“What? What is it? Dammit, Answer Me!”

Suga has no such luck. _This is it._

“Whatever it is, it is not _it._ ”

_I probably should go, but maybe I’ll stay just a little longer. I should at least feel some of the pain._

“No! You shouldn’t have to feel any more pain, let me deal with it, you just need to be happy.”

_Ahh, if I don’t go now then I won’t be able to._

Suga sighed in relief, Tanaka can finally rest, and he finally realized it.

_It’s probably for the best, they don’t want someone like me in a place like that._

“No, that is not what I meant, you deserve everything in the world. You are such an important person, you don’t even realize, you were born to do something, please don’t throw that away! The team loves you! All of us!”

_It almost feels nice, like I’m doing the right thing. Man I wish I could smile, I guess it won’t matter for much longer though._

“No. No! Please don’t, we want to see you again, you gave up once, please don’t do it again. PLEASE!” tears were dripping down his face.

_Ha, it’s almost like music._

“Don’t listen to it, listen to me instead.” Suga knows that pleading get you nowhere in life, but sometimes you have to try.

_Bye guys, it’s for the best. You wouldn’t want me around to ruin your good time, wherever you will end up._

“No, it’s not for the best, you don’t know what’s best for you. I do! I’m team mom- haha -that means I get to make the big decisions. That what you always used to say right? Why don’t you listen to your own words?” He keeps begging but he knows it’s too late. If he can’t even save one person’s soul how will he wake someone up from a coma?

 

“He’s been talking to himself for the past ten minutes, I’m concerned. He keeps looking around like someone is responding, but obviously no one is.”

The doctor sighs, “It’s not entirely uncommon, considering all he’s been through.” He pauses to consider something, “if it goes on for more than an hour report it to me.”

Looking into the room for a minute, the nurse responds, “It looks like he’s stopped, but he’s crying now.” Her brow furrows in worry.

 

His babbling eventually diminished, and he just slips into silent tears. A rush of drowsiness over takes him again, pulling him into the dark haze again.

 

The nurse’s frown deepens as she administers him drugs to induce sleep. She hated doing this, but it is for the best. The doctor is right, it will reduce his overall stress, and help with his fatigue.

He hadn’t even noticed the motherly nurse march into the room and inject them into his I.V., which was probably good. A rampaging patient is not what she wanted to cause, she only wanted to help the poor dear get better.

 

He no longer floats in the dark anymore, now he sinks like a stone. He plummets through the fog, no solid surface to land on, the smoky air just keeps going. He keeps falling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, its been like 3 months, I'm sorry. 
> 
> But the good news is that I went through and edited all the old chapters!

**Author's Note:**

> All chapter titles are quotes from either Disney's Sleeping Beauty or Maleficent.


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